For anyone whose seen the classic British horror 'The Wicker Man', its obvious that the island of Summerisle will not top any lists for 'Best Holiday Destinations' anytime soon. However, if you still fancy a day excursion to the island, or even if you just happen to be a policeman searching for a missing girl, then I would strongly advise against it and here's five reasons why;
5. You can't open a cupboard without a 'dead' girl falling out
Children can be creepy. Especially if they live on Summerisle. And if one goes missing, then just be prepared for the other kids to get all excited and fall out of cupboards, smiling as they pretend to play dead. Or if that sounds too ghastly, then just buy them an Xbox to keep them quiet.
4. Bunny costumes should be avoided at all costs
If you make it onto Summerisle during the Mayday celebrations, then might I just suggest that you don't wear your favourite rabbit or hare costume, as the top of it is liable to get chopped off, probably with, oh I don't know, six swords let's say?
3. It's hard to get any sleep with naked blonde Swedes banging on the walls in the next room
If you're looking for a relaxing stay in the islands only inn, then might I suggest you look elsewhere, as the likelihood of being woken up by naked women dancing in the next room is extremely high. They may also try to plant a severed hand that's been set alight onto the bedside table next to you while you sleep. So watch out for that.
2. If you're not a fan of unnerving pagan chants, then this is not the island for you
Everyone loves a good ditty, but if your musical tastes don't extend to crazed repetitive chants of a pagan nature, then may I suggest that you bring your ipod with you and make sure that it is fully charged.
1. And finally, the God of the orchards is a bugger to please.
Every holiday-goer knows that it's important to become immersed in the local way of life but when the residents of Summerisle are trying to get over a bad year of crops, it's probably best to keep the dinghy ready, just in case you need to make a swift exit. However, if festivals of human sacrifice really are your thing, then you might just want to make sure that you're not a virginal Christian policeman from the mainland. Just saying.
So there you have it. Five reasons why you shouldn't visit Summerisle. Or at least take a mobile phone with you if you're going to make the trip. That mainland sure does seem far away when your sodding airplane has been tampered with.