Last week, Film School Friday taught loyal readers how to invade the planet earth in a misguided attempt to defend the human race from invasion. Fingers crossed, angry alien forces didn't read that feature because if they did, then we're screwed. Oh and by the way, my alien overlords wanted me to let you know that you shouldn't worry. Enforced slavery won't begin until at least 2015 as they need to work out some kinks in their mind control technology. Reassuring news I'm sure you'll agree....
It's coming towards the end of our first term together here at Film School Friday, so I thought it was time to give all my loyal readers (hey Mum!) a treat. A film themed party would be great right?... except I'm not dealing with the clean up. What about a M Night Shyamalan marathon?... The first few hours would be awesome but then I'd have to mercy kill each and every one of you by the time The Happening comes on. Now what does everyone love most about the end of term? It can't be the holidays... I got it, a pop quiz! So sharpen your pencils, pick holes in your rubbers and get your paper airplanes ready for today's lesson.
Lesson #15 - End of Term Quiz
The quiz will work like this; Each question will relate to a previous edition of Film School Friday and will have three possible answers. For each correct answer you give, you will receive one point. The answers will be revealed at the end of the quiz. Once you've tallied your score, please tell me what you got in the comment section below. Now remember, participation is mandatory but prizes are not. Lucky for you then that the winner will instead receive the respect and adoration of my million plus readership.
Now don't think of this as a test to check whether any of you have actually bothered to read any of the previous articles in this feature. Think of it as a way to prove your superior knowledge over your fellow film lovers and revel in your own brilliance. Cheating will result in a lifetime ban from Film School Friday Quizzes so think very carefully before you do so. I'm not saying I have surveillance on each and every one of you but I was one of the Spy Kids growing up. Keep it in mind.
Oh and good luck!
1. Which kitchen appliance should you hide in if an atomic blast hits?
a) A fridge.
b) A freezer.
c) The Brave Little Toaster.
2. What should you think about when designing your super villain costume?
a) Make a little escape hatch so you can use the toilet without taking the whole thing off.
b) Matching colours. You owe it to yourself and the world of fashion.
c) Keep things simple to blend in with the crowd.
3. What should guys do if they want to become one of the popular kids?
a) Join the chess club.
b) Join a sports team.
c) Check that everyone on your football team is actually a boy and not just some schizo child star in men's clothing.
4. What kind of dust will help you live forever?
a) Pixie dust.
b) Dead skin dust.
c) The dust of your enemies, destroy them while they're sleeping!
5. What should zombies wear to be the best zombie they can be?
a) A neckerchief to wipe off those pesky blood stains.
b) A helmet so they don't get shot in the head.
c) A top hat with a cane and a monocle. Being dead shouldn't stop you from looking your best.
6. Who should you avoid if you want a career as successful as Matthew McConaughey's?
a) Michael Bay.
b) Kate Hudson.
c) Miley Cyrus.
7. Where should you take Disney brides-to-be hostage?
a) A castle.
b) That cute little hostel in Slovakia where all those kids went missing.
c) Disney Land. It'll freak the hell out of them!
8. What should do you do if Christopher Walken gives you a universal remote control that can manipulate time itself?
a) Rewind back to when he danced in that Fatboy Slim video and pause in the middle of a silly pose.
b) Rewind back to when he danced with John Travolta in Hairspray and just enjoy the moment.
c) Take it and run.
9. What should you always do before you go out serial killer spotting?
a) Let your parents know where you've gone so the police know where to look for your remains.
b) Sign all your wordly possessions over to your favourite cat. Hard choice to make but if you spread out your belongings amongst all your cats, then they'll never stop fighting.
c) Stop by the Bates Motel for a quick nap.
10. What should you stop doing if you want to survive a serial killer attack?
a) Running towards serial killers shouting "your Mama" jokes!
b) Drinking and having sex.
c) Letting your mobile run out of charge.
11. What should you include in every film if you want to be as great as Alfred Hitchcock?
a) A sexy blonde who will shun your lecherous advances.
b) A cake stand backstage.
c) A cameo appearance from the director.
12. What should guys do to their hair to become an anime hero?
a) Grow it out and dye it any colour under the sun.
b) Braid it like that guy from Cool Runnings.
c) Bleach it blond, get a bowl cut and terrorise/flirt with James Bond.
13. What type of bird should you avoid at all costs during Thanksgiving?
a) A quail. Too small.
b) A killer turkey who will pluck your eyes out in revenge for the deaths of its ancestors.
c) Any bird from a Hitchcock film. They'll have ya!
14. How long should you wait after you land with your secret underground weapons before you invade the planet earth?
a) 28 days later so all you've got to sort out are the moody zombies.
b) 28 days later so you don't have to watch that crappy Sandra Bullock film with Viggo Mortensen.
c) Thousands of years so you have the element of surprise.
Well done for successfully completing the quiz. Life should have meaning for you once again! Scroll down for the answers.
And the answers are;
1. a
2. c
3. b
4. a
5. b
6. b
7. a
8. c
9. a
10. b
11. c
12. a
13. b
14. c
If you got less than five right, you should be thoroughly ashamed. Go self flagellate yourself or whatever the kids do these days.
If you answered between six and ten questions correctly, that's better, but you still need to go back and memorise every Film School Friday word for word. Personally, I couldn't think of a more fun punishment then that so don't complain or I'll make you read every Twilight book instead. Scratch that. I'll make you read every Twilight parody book. New Moan is my fave.
Finally, if you managed to answer more than ten correctly, then congratulations! You now have permission to join my film cult. We meet on Fridays. Bring natchos. If by some miracle you got every single question right, then don't be so keen. No one likes a teachers pet. Pretend you got one wrong so the cool kids still like you.
Thank you for taking part in my mandatory quiz this week and don't forget to post your scores below! The winner will receive the kind of self esteem that money just can't buy. If that's not enough though, come back next week for a special Christmas edition of Film School Friday where we'll be learning something...Christmassy. I haven't worked out the specifics yet... don't rush me!
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